


Light in the Darkness

by SuperDanvers16



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abusive mon el/mike, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, F/M, He committed mass murder when he was 20, Hes been in max security prison aince Lena was 10, I am Supercorp Trash, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Kara Danvers is Not Okay, Kara Danvers isn't Supergirl, Kara is 18 Alex is 20 Lena is 20 Maggie is 22, Kara is in denial of her issues, Kara trusts noone not even Alex, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena hasnt seen Lex since he was arrested, Lena is ashamed of the luthor name, Lenaluthor defense squad, Lex is 10 years older than lena, Other, Protective Alex Danvers, Protective Lena Luthor, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Supercorp endgame, Underage Rape, but not really, coffee shop AU, we don't stan mon hell here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperDanvers16/pseuds/SuperDanvers16
Summary: Kara Danvers has had a hard life. Her parents died in a fire when she was twelve, which caused her to be in a care home until she was sixteen. She was adopted by the Danvers on her 16th birthday. She has never forgotten, which means she's never forgiven herself for what happened.The care home was her eternal hell. A place she still has nightmares of. A place she's never told anyone what happened while she was there, not even her sister.She's about to turn eighteen and she's never known what it's like to have a best friend. She's never known what it's like to be human.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Mon-El
Comments: 82
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

Kara came to consciousness slowly as the sun streamed in through her curtains. She stretched, stilling when the weight on her shoulder shifted slightly. She smiled, looking down at her sisters sleeping face. She looked so much younger when she slept, look of content and peace on her features. 

Holding Alex's head gently with her hand, she slowly stood up, setting her down again on a cushion and draping a blanket around her body. Alex whined softly as she slipped back into her rest, bringing the blanket to her chest and hugging it. 

Gazing at her tough big sister cuddling the blanket, Kara chuckled before padding softly to the bathroom. Clicking the door behind her, she turned, catching herself in the mirror. Her eyes were sunk into her skull, result of her not eating properly. There were bags under those eyes as well as her showing cheekbones. She smiled slightly before frowning, knowing that her mother would be worrying about her if she were to see her like this.

_It's a good thing she can't see me._

Shaking her head free of those thoughts, she moved towards the sink and got ready for the day. 

Alex was sat up on the sofa, flicking through TV channels, when Kara emerged. She turned towards her sister slightly, a frown inking it's way onto her features, which Kara ignored as she walked into the kitchen. She felt Alex's eyes on her as she crossed the apartment and faced towards the sink, holding onto it so tightly that she thought it may break.

"If you have something to say then say it." She grumbled, grabbing a cup to pour coffee into. Hearing the breath of air that her sister took in at her words, her hands shook slightly as she drank the hot liquid. 

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." Alex spoke softly.

"Doing what? I'm drinking coffee because I just woke up, Alex." Kara stated.

"You can't keep.." She paused, exasperated. "You can't keep punishing yourself over things you have no control over. That's not fair on you." 

Kara stood rigid. Her entire body was flushed with rage as she put her cup on the counter, shaking. Her eyes jerked up to meet her sisters, she knew they were filled with rage and fear. 

"You have no right to tell me how to live my life. You aren't my mother, Alex." She spat.

Alex visibly flinched, setting her jaw before responding. 

"I may as well be. You never take care of yourself. I have to do all the cooking, cleaning and buy all the food for our apartment. All you do is mope and do your schoolwork. You don't even have any friends for christ's sake!" 

Kara gaped at her sister as the words she spoke set in. 

Head down, she whispered, "Did it ever occur to you, that I don't want to take care of myself because I don't want to be here."

She dared to look up at her sister and saw her brown eyes full of confusion.

"If you don't want to be here then why did you move in with me? You could have stayed with Mom and Dad in Midvale." She said slowly.

Kara sighed. "I don't mean here. I mean alive. If you didn't buy food then I just wouldn't eat. I hang around here and stay away from people because if I ever got close to anyone then it would be my fault that they're upset when I..." she trailed off.

"Kara." Alex's voice was an inch away from breaking, but yet as well as that, it was set with determination.

"I'm going out." 

Kara didn't wait for a response before pulling her shoes on, shoving a jacket over her thick jumper and slamming the door behind her. 

She walked. She didn't have a destination in mind but somehow, her feet knew were to take her. She stopped outside of her favourite coffee shop, as if debating whether to go in or not. She had had enough sense to grab her bag before storming out so she had money and her college coursework so she had something to do. 

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and was immediately surrounded by warmth and the smell of coffee beans invaded her sense. All the tension in her body evaporated as she steadily walked towards the counter.

The usual girl was working and she flashed Kara a grin as she approached, Kara being a regular at the small shop. 

"Black coffee, please." Kara requested, putting the money on the counter already. She never said much when she came here, she wasn't here to make friends. She was here to escape her life.

She went to sit down with her coffee, pulling out her textbook and folder before she started working, taking sips every few minutes. Her phone kept vibrating, texts and calls from Alex coming in. Eventually getting fed up, Kara turned her phone off completely before continuing her work. 

*

It was a pretty slow day at the shop, as is most days. The shop wasn't very popular, since there were more on brand places nearby like Costa and Starbucks. They had enough customers to keep the shop running, but that was it. Lena stood at the counter, leaning on her elbow, head on her hand as she tried to not fall asleep and hit her head on the wood. 

"Hey Luthor, you good there?" 

Lena sighed as she turned around, looking at the shorter women with a look of disgust on her face.

"No I am not good. I'm bored out of my mind. And I'm tired." Lena grumbled quietly, so the few customers they did have didn't hear her.

"Have some coffee." 

Hearing the smirk in the other women's voice, Lena shot her a glare. "You're on thin ice, Sawyer."

Maggie cackled as she went back into the staff room, not wanting to surrender to Lena's threats. 

Lena happens to look up at the door in that moment, angrily mumbling about 'Maggie's audacity', when she spotted blonde hair just outside. Her favourite customer.

She watched as the girl pulled open the door and came to the counter. Lena grinned at her before asking what she wanted. 

"Black coffee, please." 

The girls voice was like music to Lena's ears, she wanted to have a CD of her talking so she could hear it whenever she wanted. 

_Lena that's creepy. Just make the damn coffee._ Her thoughts were running wild as she tried not to get distracted again, handing the blonde her coffee and taking the money. She gave Lena a small smile before taking a seat in the corner, immediately bringing out a folder and a book. 

The brunette couldn't help but sneak glances over at her, noticing how her brow crinkled slightly as she concentrated, her tongue sticking out of the edge of her mouth. She was clearly done for when Maggie reappeared from the back and stood in the doorway, trying not to laugh as she watched Lena basically drool.

She slowly walked behind the women before whispering, "Take a picture, it'll last longer." Bouncing out of the way of Lena's towel whipping at her, she was now freely chuckling. 

"Man, you're so whipped for her, aren't you?" Maggie teased, finding success as Lena turned bright red.

"I- I am not _whipped_ for her. I was simply.. admiring." She defended. It was a weak attempt, but still a defense none the less. 

"Yeah, okay." She muttered in disbelief, "Anyways, your counter shift is over so I'll take over if you want." 

"Thanks. It's really slow today so I might go home, if you think you can handle it?" Lena challenged, eyebrow tweaking upwards.

"Oh I can handle it, Luthor." The shorter women announced. 

Sighing and rolling her eyes at her best friend, Lena went to the staff room to pack her stuff, after one more lingering look at the blonde she's become rather... attached too. 

*

Closing the door to her apartment quietly, she tip toed through the living room to her own room. Grimacing, she looked at the time on her phone and saw it was just past midnight. It sucked living with your sister when you argue because it meant she had to stay out as long as possible but without Alex, she wouldn't be able to go to National City college which she's always wanted to do. She loved her sister, she really did. She just wished that she'd stop telling her how to live her life.

As soon as the door to her bedroom was safely closed, Kara pressed her back against it and slid onto the floor. Tears started leaking out of her eyes against her will, so she brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she cried. She had kept her feelings in for hours since she argued with Alex and now she was breaking.

Now she had started, she couldn't stop. Her cheeks were soaked by the time she found the energy to stand up and lay on her bed. She got as far as to remove her shoes and then climbed under the covers, still in her jeans and jumper she wore during the day. 

Staring up at the ceiling, Kara's thoughts were going wild. She knew she was spiralling, not that she ever stopped, but it was getting worse and worse. She knew she might need some professional help but she couldn't push the nagging doubt out of her brain. 

_You're not worth it. I'm sure everyone feels this way sometimes, what makes you special? Why should you take up some therapists time with your ridiculous fake issues?_

The wetness formed again in the corner of her eyes so she clamped them shut, pushing her hand over her mouth as a sob escaped. She turned, facing the wall and shoved her face into a pillow and layed there as she waited for sleep to overcome her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you've started reading my other book "Wedding Crasher" then by that statement, I'm much better at writing Angst then I am writing Fluff.
> 
> That being said, I hope you guys enjoy me putting our favourite Puppy through hell :) theres more to come an fill put trigger warnings in the beginnings of chapters where I think may need them!  
> Happy reading guys!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning!!! For S3xual abuse of a minor. Don't read if you feel like this could effect you mentally. Please put your own safety first.  
> The first part in italics, is the abuse part, skip over to the normal text If you feel this could effect you. Stay safe :)

_"You like that, Blondie?"_

_Kara spat at the man as she struggled against him. She was trying to hard but she was too weak against him. She felt so powerless to stop what he was doing to her._

_"You're gonna regret doing that." He growled as he slapped her around the face. The slap shocked her and she groaned at the increasing pain coming from her cheekbone._

_"That's much better, princess." He purred in her ear. She felt sick at how close he was. The feeling of his hand pining her wrists above her head making her stomach churn in disgust. She felt dirty. She started to feel even worse when he started dragging his hand up her rib cage, stopping just below her breasts._

_He started to kiss her roughly as she fought to move her face away from his, his hands starting to press against her chest. Kara whined in an attempt to get him to stop but that seemed to spur him on more._

_"Oh honey, you're enjoying this now, aren't you?" He asked, nibbling on her ear lobe._

_"You're sick," she squeaked in response._

_"Am I now? Well. Let's see how sick I can be." He said softly, determination glinting in his eyes, a smirk dancing on his lips as he slowly slid his hand on her breast further down until he reached below her stomach. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to disconnect from her body as he found what he had been searching for._

Breathing heavily, Kara shot up and out of her bed, stumbling into the wall and crouching on the floor. Sobs were racking her body uncontrollably and all she could do was whine as her chest grew tighter and tighter. The door slammed open as someone walked in, causing her to whimper and fall even more into the floor. She scrambled, trying to get away from the person, not wanting to be punished again. 

She heard a voice talk but her head was filled with her own crying and whimpering. Her brain was foggy and she made out the distinct shape of someone crouched in front of her. They weren't trying to touch her or be near to her, just let her know that they were there, in the room with her. 

"Kara." She heard faintly over her cries. It wasn't a mans voice. That moved her fear a little bit away from the edge. Her vision cleared enough to catch a glimpse of red hair and kind brown eyes. 

"Alex.." she croaked, her voice rusty from the sobs still shaking through her body. She shot her hand out, looking for some sort of contact and felt relief rush through her brain as a soft hand intertwined with hers. 

Alex made sure Kara could see her every move, as to not startle her, as she slowly wound her arms tightly around her little sisters still shaking form. Kara rested her head on Alex's shoulder, probably soaking it through.

She'd apologise in the morning. For now, she needed her sister. 

Kara woke up the next morning in a bed that wasn't her own. The black and red sheets were wildly different to her own pink and white ones. She knew she was in Alex's room but she couldn't remember why. 

Sitting up slowly, she pulled the covers off and made her way to the kitchen to find her sister. Brown eyes filled with worry found blue ones filled with confusion. Alex was standing at the stove, making pancakes. 

"Hey, how you feeling?" She asked softly. 

Kara just became even more confused. 

"Why are you being nice to me?" She questioned.

"You don't remember last night?" She stepped towards Kara, eyebrows knitted together.

"No.." she trailed off. Suddenly, memories of her nightmare and her sobs flew through her brain and she stumbled slightly.

Alex was at her side in a second, supporting her at her arm, leading her to the dining table. She crouching in front of her little sister, her eyes genuine and full of concern.

"Kara? What happened? What did you dream of?" 

Her brain went blank, she couldn't tell Alex. No one could ever know.

_They would pity you and treat you like a delicate flower. Or they would make fun of you for not trying hard enough to stop it. Maybe you secretly wanted it to happen._

The blonde gasped as her thoughts ran like wild animals across her mind, not stopping even when she tried to quiet them. She stood up harshly, almost knocking Alex to the ground as she stammered and stuttered an excuse to leave. 

"I- I left my folder at the coffee shop yesterday." She spoke, eyes darting from the front door to her bedroom before she ran to her room to pull on some clothes and made her way to the door. 

Alex grabbed her shoulder as she walked past, spinning her around to face her. 

"You can't keep running from your feelings." She whispered, trying to catch her sisters eye.

Kara's eyes were downcast, "Watch me." 

And then she was gone, running down the stairs and out the door. 

Alex sighed, her arms falling to her sides. She knew she was going to lose Kara if she didn't get through to her soon. They'd only been sisters for two years but dammit she wasn't going to let her give up. Not without a fight. 

Kara continued running. Like last time, she didn't have a destination. Her feet her just taking her somewhere. Somewhere where she could be alone with her thoughts without fearing judgement or questions. Her breathing was becoming ragged so she slowed down to a fast paced walk, in order to give her lungs a break. 

She hit the park right on the edge of National City, where she know that no one goes. Running again, she changed her course for the woods.

Deep in the woods. 

Running for about a minute, twisting and turning around trees and logs, Kara finally felt satisfied that she was far enough from civilisation that she could let her emotions out. She lent against a large tree as she fought to catch her breath, gasping in a fish like fashion to capture some air into her airways. Eyes going wide, she realised that she couldn't breathe. At all. 

_Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck do I do._ She was panicking as she started to feel her head go light and her vision darken. Tears were streaming down her face at this point, fear corrupting her brain as she tried to think what to do. 

And with one last thought, Kara passed out, leaning against that tree trunk. 

_Help me._

It was dark when she woke up. Pitch black. At first she thought her vision was still messed up until she bring her fingers to her eye and poked herself by accident. Grunting, she tried to wake up her sore limbs, but to no avail. She stayed sitting on the dirty floor, eyes leaking once again. 

_If crying this much is going to become a daily thing then i'll need to invest in some water bottles._

A rustling from the bushes dragged her out of her thoughts, straightening her glasses, she held her breath to avoid anyone noticing her sitting there. A man suddenly emerged from where the rustling had come from. He had a beer bottle in his left hand and he was quite clearly already drunk as he stumbled, falling over a fallen log. Kara heard him swearing as he struggled to get himself upright again. She knew she should walk away. Run away. But her body was frozen. At that ,moment, she let out a squeak and the man noticed her on the floor, causing him to smile widely. 

"Looks like I'm getting lucky tonight," He slurred as made his way over to the small girl who was still frozen.

_Run. Please run._

"Hey, Blondie, come here and make this night one to remember."

_Blondie._

That name awoke something in Kara because she heard a high pitched scream erupt in the trees around her. It took her a few seconds to realise that it was her mouth making this inhuman sound. She clamped her hands over her ears as well as closing her eyes, screaming louder. 

"What the fuck," The man exclaimed, tripping backwards away from Kara. 

Kara was gone. Physically, she was sitting on the dirt and leaves in the dingy and dangerous park. But she had disconnected her body from her mind. She was no longer in control. She couldn't stop screaming, She couldn't even hear it anymore. She barely heard the women shouting in their direction, or the dog viciously barking near. She could hear nothing except for the phrase that kept repeating itself in her head. 

_You like that, Blondie?_

_*_

_Boring. Seen it. Why are there no good shows on tonight?_

Lena was complaining to herself as she scrolled through the channels of the TV. Grumbling, she turned off the TV and just sat there, deeming staring at the ceiling more interesting. 

"You're bored a lot, huh?" A voice spoke up as the front door banged open, making Lena jumped and fall ungraciously on the floor. 

"Why is it your goal to scare the life out of me every time you see me?" She spoke, pointing a finger at her roommate. Maggie giggled from the kitchen, calling through to the living room.

"Because you're so easy, Luthor." Which made Lena grumble once again, this time about firing the older girl. 

Maggie smirked and raised her eyebrows, knowing Lena would never fire her from their quaint little coffee shop. 

"Whatever, I'm gonna go for a run," Lena announced, rolling her eyes and pushing herself off the couch. Maggie pressed a hand against her shoulder, squeezing slightly.

"It's gone eleven, Lena. Its not safe for you to go out." She spoke determinedly.

Lena huffed, "Fine, I'll take Cooper." She compromised, waving a hand at the dog who perked his head up at the mention of his name. 

Maggie tilted her head at the dog, as if having a conversation with him. Cooper tilted his head back at Maggie which Lena gaped at in shock. 

"Okay you can go. Coop, you better take good care of my girl." The women waggled a finger at the dog, earning herself a bark as he climbed off the sofa to stand with them.

"Coop, come on." Lena begged exasperated.

Cooper insisted on sniffing every. Single. Lamppost. This was bad considering there were about twenty on this particular road which meant they had moved approximately 20 feet in ten minutes. 

Cooper perked his head towards the woods in front of them, as Lena widened her eyes.

"Coop, don't you dare." Lena was strong, but if the rottweiler dragged her somewhere, she was definitely going with him. 

She attempted to drag him away, but he stood still as a statue. He refused to move from that spot and Lena couldn't figure out why. 

Her questions where answered when a scream burst out, causing birds to flock from their homes in the treetops. Looking around in shock, she realised that it was coming from deep in the woods.

She ducked down quickly, speaking to cooper as she grabbed his collar. 

"You ready, bud?" She questioned, the look in his eyes already answer enough for her. 

Looking the dog straight in the eyes, she gave him one command. Lena had never been happier that she taught her dog commands like this in case of emergencies. It was even better that the dog understood and worked hard to fullfill her wishes, 

"Find." She yelled as she unclipped the lead from his collar, sprinting after him as he ran full speed towards the noise. 

Ducking, jumping and scrabbling, she followed her dog deep into the woods, the scream gradually becoming closer every passing second they moved. Cooper started barking, alerting his owner that he found the source.

Lena looked up, seeing a man stumbling away from a small figure crouching on the floor. 

"Hey! What are you doing!" She yelled as she approached. She was very glad she used to to track in high school and college so she was only slightly panting from the run.

The man ran into the bushes, scared off by the dog. Cooper ignored him, not sensing he was a threat, and edged towards the figure. He started sniffing her but that only made her scream more so he backed off. 

Lena came closer, petting Cooper and telling him to stay as see investigated the still screaming girl. She had her head down, her hair sprawled out around her. Lena felt her heart ache for whatever pain this girl is feeling, she wanted to help however she could. 

She gently lowered herself down next to the girl, who had gone quiet now. Lena was very glad the girl wasn't screaming anymore, because it had started to give her a headache

"Hi. I'm Lena." She whispered, knowing the girl could hear her because she shifted slightly so she could glance out of one eye at Lena.

Lena smiled. "And this is Cooper." She gestured to where Cooper was now laying down a few feet away, looking at the two.

Seeing the girl smile in his direction, She asked, "Are you okay with dogs?" to which the girl replied with a small nod.

"Good. Cooper, come." The large dog got up and padded over to them, still staying a short distance away.

"Gently." Lena ordered. 

Cooper slowly placed his paw on the girls leg, an unspoken invitation of comfort. His face was broken out into what could only be described as a grin, which the girl matched with one of her own as she reached a hand out warily to pat the top of his smooth head. 

"Hi Cooper. I'm Kara." She spoke in a soft, shy voice. Lena knew that Kara was talking to her, indirectly and smiled softly. 

_Everything about this girl was soft. Her presence was soft, her voice and even her name. This girl screamed that she needed someone to protect her. Literally._

"Hey Kara, why are you out here all alone?" Lena spoke in a gruff voice, imitating Cooper. She felt stupid, but it was worth it to see the smile that found its way onto Kara's face. 

"I don't really know." She admitted, looking down.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few seconds. Neither of them knew what to say. Lena was contemplating what to do with the girl. Surely she wasn't old enough to be out here alone? Should she call her parents? A relative? The police? She was lost.

Kara brought her out of her thoughts as she spoke into the cool night air. 

"You can go."

Lena felt her heart stop at the thought of leaving her here alone, she could almost get attacked again. Only next time Lena wouldn't be there to save her. 

"I can't leave you here alone. What if that man comes back?" She voiced. 

Suddenly, Kara started whimpering, causing Lena to panic and put her arm around her shoulders. She wasn't sure why she did it, she met this girl ten minutes ago and she was already hugging her. 

Kara tensed at the contact, but she relaxed after a few seconds and her whimpering stopped. It was as if she had been brought back to reality when Lena's arm had wrapped around her. Feeling daring, Lena wrapped her other arm around Kara's chest so both her arms held onto the girl tightly. Encasing her in her protection.

Kara paused for a second before bringing one hand up to grasp onto Lena's sleeve desperately, craving the contact. 

Why? 

She wasn't sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote part of this on the computer, as opposed to my phone so i apologise if my writing style changed any.  
> I was gonna write more for this but my dad came home from work so I couldn't. Let me know if you guys like this size chapter or if ou would like then to be bigger/smaller :)


	3. Chapter 3

She wasn't sure why she was suddenly craving this contact. Why she wanted the warmth that Lena was radiating. Why her skin pricked and felt like lightening was cursing through her veins when Lena had her arms around her.

She wasn't sure why she had grabbed into Lena's sleeve. Why she was letting her hug her. 

She knew the answers. She didn't want to admit it.

She felt safe. She felt like she was in a protective bubble. That protective bubble would be Lena's arms. 

Lena made Kara feel safe. And that scared the _shit_ out of her.

"Uh, I should really get going. My.." she paused, "My roommate will be wondering where I am." She swallowed thickly.

Lena nodded as she stood up, holding out a hand in her general direction for Kara to take. Which she did and she was glad for it because as soon as she was upright, she felt her legs give out.

Strong hands rested on her waist, helping her stand. Kara looked up, finding jade green eyes in the darkness. Even in the pitch black Lena's eyes were so bright and alluring. She couldn't see her face but she couldn't shift her gaze away from those eyes. 

_Stop. Stop, this is wrong._

Kara cleared her throat, to express her being uncomfortable. Lena removed her hands, shuffling away slightly as she waited for Kara to become comfortable on her feet.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked, eyebrows knitted together. 

It was a loaded question and Kara knew that. She plastered a fake smile on her face even though she knew no one could see her. 

"Perfectly fine." She announced as she started walking.

"Uh, Kara?" She looked over her shoulder questioningly at Lena, "It's this way." 

Huffing, she turned on her heel and stalked towards Lena, shamelessly glaring as she went past her. 

Lena suppressed a laugh as she clipped the lead onto Coopers collar and caught up with the small girl. 

Now that Kara was walking next to her, Lena could see that she was actually a couple inches taller than her, but she had such small energy that it felt like she was suppose to be tiny. Her frame was tiny, her body not much more then skin and bones. Lena found it increasingly obvious that she clearly didn't take care of herself very well.

As they tred through the dirt, the mood was starting to glimpse through the trees but Kara was facing away from Lena, much to her distaste. She knew that she would have soft facial features, to match her soft presence.

She did, however, notice that Kara was wearing a pastel pink jumper that was pulled over her hands like mittens, and a pair of black jeans that contrasted against her pale skin as her ankle showed from above her white trainers. Lena felt a surge of affection for the girl walking with her arms crossed against her stomach, as if holding all of her insides in her body. She wanted to help her, but she wasn't sure that she would ever see her again. 

They walked nearer and nearer to the edge of the woods. Checking her phone, Kara saw that it was almost midnight. She also saw that she had several missed calls, texts and voicemails from her sister.

Playing one of them out loud, she grimaced at how panicked Alex sounded.

" _Kara where are you? I swear to god, I'm going to go to the police if you don't answer me soon. I'm scared. Please call me back."_

She sighed as she pocketed her phone again, oblivious to the curious eyes that were on her.

"Aren't you going to reply? She seemed really worried for you." 

Kara shot a glare in her general direction as her eyes watered over, not really sure what she was feeling but knowing she wanted to suddenly yell.

"She doesn't care. Trust me." She spoke. She ignored the look that Lena gave her as they reached the border of the trees, entering the park property.

It was the first time they looked at each other properly and both of their eyes widened simultaneously. 

"You're the girl who works in the coffee shop!-" 

"You're the girl that comes in the shop everyday!-" 

They both paused for a moment and then broke out in laughter. They both felt light as they started gasping for air, doubling over. They laughed harder when they noticed that Cooper was looking at them confused.

A couple minutes later they were wiping their eyes and had small smiles on their faces.

"So.." Lena started.

"So.." Kara repeated. "I should probably go."

Lena nodded. "You know I'll see you again. Unless you find a different coffee shop."

Kara copied Lena in nodding, a sad smile in place.

"Hey. If you don't want to mention this ever again then that's okay. I'll just be your barista. Nothing has to change," Lena said earnestly, eyes glued to Kara's.

She shifted for a second, unable to remove her gaze from Lena's hard stare.

"No. I want to forget this, yes. But I do want to be your friend. You saved me. I need to make it up to you." She insisted. 

"You don't need to make it up to me at all, Kara. I'm just glad you're okay."

Kara felt conflicted. She wanted to make it up to Lena and express how grateful she is but she also didn't want to go against Lena. She didn't want to upset her.

"But Lena-" Lena cut her off.

"If you insist on making it up to me, then I have a proposition for you." Kara stayed quiet. "Come and hang out with me during my break tomorrow. I get bored and in need of company." 

Kara brightened instantly. "Okay! I can do that." 

Lena smiled. "Okay good. Now, where do you live? We're walking you home." 

"You don't have to do that. Really, I'll be fine." Kara attempted. Lena squared her jaw.

"No. I'm walking you home. Don't fight me on this." 

Kara huffed, slouching her shoulders as she started walking and gestured for Lena to follow with Cooper. 

They walked in easy silence for a moment which caused Kara's mind to start wandering. 

_I was about to get assaulted... again. I should be reacting more then this. Why aren't I reacting?_

She glanced at Lena.

_Why does she make me feel so... secure? I met her about 30 minutes ago. This is too fast. Too fast._

_I'm going to breakdown as soon as I enter that apartment. I'm going to see Alex. I have to deal with what I said to her. I have to deal with.. everything._

_I can't._

She stopped outside her apartment building. Lena stood next to her, stroking Cooper. Kara looked up at the tall building, all her worries weighing on her brain like a disease. 

"This is me." She breathed as she cast a sideways glance at the brunette.

"I gathered." Lena chuckled. She dug in her pockets and found a pen. She wasn't even sure why she had a pen but she was glad that she did. "Here's my number."

Kara tensed as Lena grabbed her hand and wrote her number on the back of it. Her hairs were standing on end and her senses were tingling. She held her breathe until the older girl let go, a satisfied smirk on her face.

"I'll text you when I go on break tomorrow." She declared. "Bye Kara. I hope that you feel better." She was looking deep into Kara's eyes as she spoke this, a message reading clearly from them.

_I'm here._

"I'll be fine," She blurted out. She took a deep breathe before dismissing her, "See you tomorrow Lena. Bye Cooper." 

She bent down to pet the animal which he appreciated if the trail of saliva he left on Kara's face from licking her was tell enough.

"Sorry. He's slobbery." Lena murmured.

"Hm. I couldn't tell." Kara teased as she wiped her face with her sleeve. A soft smile played it's way onto her lips. "Bye Lena." 

And then she stepped into her building and shut the door, leaving Lena to wonder what the hell just happened on her dog walk.

*

Lucky for Kara, the door at the bottom of her building was solid wood which meant that Lena couldn't see her rest against it and take a deep breathe.

  
Tears threatened her eyes, which she shoved away by pressing the palms of her hands directly into her eyes. The pain as she pressed harder subsided her spilling emotions for a second. She stared up at the ceiling for a few beats when she removed her hands, willing for the feeling of overwhelming fear and numbness to go away. 

She pushed herself off the floor and made for the stairs. She walked determinedly up the two floors to her apartment and slowed down as she got to the door. Standing there, she stared at the door as if she could see through it into her apartment. She wanted to see where Alex was, where she had to avoid.

Kara sighed as she pulled out her phone and read through her recent text messages. 

**_Alexo -_ **

_Hey Kar, call me when you get this, okay?_

_2:47pm_

_Are you okay?_

_3:23pm_

_Kara I'm getting worried now._

_5:54pm_

_Please just... answer me_

_7:42pm_

_Kara.. I know we haven't been getting along recently but I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you._

_8:12pm_

_Text me back. Say anything. Yell at me. Just.. let me know you're okay._

_9:39pm_

The texts stopped at about 11pm. She had several missed calls and voicemails as well as a few more texts. She debated whether she should go in and face the wrath that is Alexandra Danvers. She also debated ignoring her completely and going somewhere for the night.

She found a nice middle.

_**Alexo -** _

_I'm fine._

_12:46am_

_Kara! Where are you? Are you okay?_

_12:47am_

That was when Kara pocketed her phone once again. Still lingering in front of the door, she brushed against it with her fingertips before making for the stairs once again. The entire building was 20 floors so she was considerably exhausted when she made it to the roof. 

On top of the roof, you could see for miles and miles. National City was lit up into a glitter of luminous colours and vibrant activity. She stood at the edge and looked over the hundreds of buildings that all contain people living different lives.

She thought about how many people live in National City and how every single person is experiencing something different at this very second. Someone might be giving birth. Another might be talking to their parents. Someone else might be breaking up with someone they care about but can't quite see a future with them.

The possibilities were limitless.

What was Kara doing? She was thinking about how hard she would hit the concrete below if she were to jump. She was thinking about how Alex would react when she found out. She thought about Eliza and how she would only have one daughter to focus on.

Her real daughter.

She wouldn't need to deal with the girl who accidentally punched her during a panic attack, giving her a black eye for a week. 

The girl who was meek, shy and all too different from her new confident and brave 18 year old sister. The one she couldn't hug until a year after they adopted her because she was _so frightened_ that she was going to be used again. 

She mused over the fact that Eliza and Jeremiah had wanted a sweet and kind natured girl who could teach their slightly wild and determined 18 year old some good values. They had chosen Kara because of her old age, she had been the oldest child in the foster home at that point. They chose her because they thought she was strong and plucky.

They hadn't expected a child who was so broken that she hurt herself just to feel something other then the overwhelming feeling of numbness. They hadn't expected a 16 girl old girl with golden hair and ocean blue eyes to flinch everytime Jeremiah came near her or rested a firm hand on her shoulder. 

They didn't expect her to beg them to not punish her when she made a mistake. They didn't know why she did these things. No one knew why. Kara kept everything a secret. 

Kara kept on thinking about how she ruined the Danvers family until she felt a droplet fall on her tightly clenched fist and she realised she was crying. Holding up a shakey hand, she took her glasses off her face and wiped her tears away. 

Then she threw her glasses hard at the ground, watching the glass and frame shatter into a million pieces. She knew she would regret that because know she couldn't see further than two foot in front if her but she right now, could not bring herself to care.

_I'm useless._

She grabbed onto the railing tighter.

_I'm pathetic._

She hoisted a leg up onto the wall.

_I'm damaged._

She pulled both legs up and stood on the wall, peering down at the cars below.

_I'm broken._

She felt serene.

" _Kara."_ A strangled voice broke the silence from behind her.

She tried to turn around, but started to lose her footing on the thin wall. The heel of her shoe betrayed her and slid off the edge and she felt herself falling, almost like she was flying. 

_I won't be broken anymore._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, in case you hadn't noticed my updates are gonna be haywire. I'm pretty much writing when I feel motivated to write. So I may update everyday for a few days then I might not update for a week.  
> But i can guarantee you one thing, i will not abandon this book. I will finish this book if i have to die doing it.

She recalled the events of the night in her head as she walked home, somewhat in a daze. 

Maggie was of course still awake when she walked through the door at a little past 1am. She watched as Lena unclipped Cooper, walking heavily to the couch and sat down, still staring straight forward with an unreadable expression. 

"Lena? Are you okay?" She asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Lena was brought back to her senses which caused tears to start falling out of her eyes. 

"Oh honey." Maggie spoke as she pulled Lena to her chest, letting her cry into her shirt. The smallest Luthor never cried around people so Maggie knew this was serious.

Sobs racked through Lena's body so fast she barely had time to breathe. She kept thinking about Kara and how she sounded when she was screaming. She sounded so in pain, so defeated. She wanted to steal away all her trauma, beat it with a bat and then wrap her up in a protective blanket, away from anything that could ever hurt her. 

The two girls sat in the same position for about ten minutes until Lena's cries died down. She pulled herself away from the older girl, a sheepish look on her face when she noticed the wet patch on her shoulder.

"Sorry I soaked your shirt." She muttered, eyes pointed at her lap. Maggie chuckled in response.

They sat in silence for a minute or two before Maggie spoke up, curiosity getting the better of her.

"What happened, Lee?" 

That was all Lena needed to start spilling everything that had happened. She explained the scream from the woods, the man who was about to do _something_ to Kara, how the girl screaming was the blonde girl from the shop, how she had walked her home and saw how tired and isolated she was when she looked into her eyes as she left.

Maggie stayed quiet while Lena spoke, only moving to gently wipe a falling tear from Lena's cheek with her thumb. 

"So you saved a small girl from being assaulted? And you walked her home with our badass dog? And then you left her alone at the bottom of the building?" Maggie she questioned, lips pressed into a line with worry.

"I should have stayed with her." Lena realised. Her eyes widened. "Oh my god, Maggie, I should have stayed with her. I should have made sure she didn't do anything stupid. I should have-," Lena was pacing around the room at this point and cut her sentence short when she felt strong hands hold her in place by her shoulders. 

"Lena. Look, you don't know this girl. You don't know what her life is like. You don't even know why she was in the woods alone in the middle of the night. Did she mention anyone who could help her?" Maggie tried to comfort. 

The younger girl thought for a moment. "She had a voicemail from her roommate. Mags, she sounded so worried and so _terrified_ that something had happened to Kara. I asked her about it but Kara said that she didn't care about her. But I heard her voice, she cares so deeply but Kara doesn't see it." Lena felt like she might cry as she recalled the distant look in Kara's eyes as she spoke those words.

"It sounds like she's pushing people away because she doesn't feel like she's worth it. She's convincing herself that no one cares." A sad smile was on Maggie's face. "It's what I did before I moved here. It's what I did before I.." She trailed off.

Lena knew exactly what she meant. 

"I have to help her." She pleaded.

"Lena, it's almost 2am." The older girl protested.

"Nothing good ever happens after 2am." She whispered and then she was gone, out the door and running down the stairs.

Maggie sighed as she rubbed Coopers ears, who was feeling rather forgotten.

"Looks like she has a thing for strays." She murmured to the dog. 

________________________

Lena ran in the direction of Kara's apartment, once again glad that she did track when she was a teenager. She knew she was being ridiculous, she shouldn't be running to the apartment of the girl she just met. But something was driving her to do just that. She had a feeling, a build up of anxiety in the pit of her stomach that told her something was _wrong._

And that she needed to go faster. So she pushed herself. She ran faster then she ever did on track and only slowed down when she saw the large building in her approaching view. 

Stopping outside the doors, she pulled. And pulled. And then, with a sinking feeling, realised that you needed the code to get into the building. She must have not been paying attention when she brought Kara earlier in the night. 

"Fuck!" She yelled, kicking the door in anger and dithered on the idea of just sitting on the dirty pavement. She held her head in her hands for a beat until her head shot up at a thought.

_The fire escape._

As crazy as it seemed, maybe if she were to climb the fire escape and get to the roof, there would be a door to get into the building that she may be able to get through. Determination ran through her veins as she made her way to the metal stairs and began climbing then two at a time. 

She was at the roof in two minutes flat and she immediately went to the door and attempted to open it. She so in the zone that she hadn't noticed the blonde girl standing at the edge, clutching the railing in a death like grip.

Upon realising that the door wouldn't open, she rested her head against it as she admitted defeat. She had lost. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by something shattered against the concrete. Curiously, she peaked her head around the small brick opening and saw the jumper and jeans of the girl that was on her mind at this very moment. She quietly crept around the door and stood still, observing her mannerisms. 

She watched as Kara pulled her head into her hands, a weeping sound emitting from her chest so full of anguish that Lena's heart quenched and throbbed in empathy. She took a couple steps forward but stopped when she saw Kara hoist a leg up onto the wall.

_Say something._

She stood dumbly as Kara pulled her other leg up and pushed herself into a standing position.

_Say something you goddamn moron!_

All Lena could do was stare, she was frozen in place as she watched this broken girl stare out into the city on the ledge of a _very_ high building, knowing full well what was going through her mind.

She tried to speak but her throat was dry, was so full of emotion that she could only croak one word.

" _Kara."_ Her voice broke on the second syllable and it was obvious that she was too shocked to say anything else. 

She watched as Kara tried to turn around. Her eyes shot to Kara's foot which had started to slide of the edge. Time seemed to go in slow motion as she watched Kara start to fall. 

She felt sick at the smile on Kara's face.

_Move!_

Her feet were planted to the ground. She was stuck in place. She willed herself to move. She _begged_ her feet to move. 

All of a sudden, adrenaline coursed itself to her legs and feet and she shot forward, hand dragging over the edge and catching onto soft skin. Both hands dangling over the edge as she held onto the wrist of the girl that just _accidentally_ tried to take her life. 

She watched, eyes blurry with tears, as Kara looked up at her with a look in her eye that Lena could only describe as _empty._

"Kara," she choked again. "Please hold on. Hold onto me with both hands. Please." She was openly begging Kara to grab on, to choose to live instead of die. 

The hanging girl looked conflicted for a second before she brought up her other hand and let Lena grab onto it. She let the brunette pull her up and latch her arms around her waist. Kara shoved her arms around Lena's neck as her legs were dragged over the wall and then they were both lying on the concrete. 

Kara didn't let go of Lena's neck, starting to sob into her shoulder. Lena didn't even want to think of letting go of the girls waist, needing to feel her, to know she was breathing and alive. As much as she felt like crying at Kara's gentle sobs, she liked the feeling of her breathe on her neck, because it confirmed that she was indeed alive. 

She wasn't okay. But she was alive. And that was good. 

______________________

_Lena caught me._

_She saved me for the second time in less then 24 hours._

_What is happening? What did I do to deserve her in my life?_

She didn't want to hold on. She wanted to let go and fall, but the look on Lena's face, the desperation and pleading look in her eyes is what made Kara decide to hold on. Her eyes are why Kara chose to live in that moment. 

The full weight of what just happened came crashing down on her and she couldn't stop the sobs that erupted from her mouth as soon as she felt her body hit the solid concrete. She subconsciously buried her head into Lena's collar bone, revelling in the way her arms tightened around her small waist, holding her together. 

She cried for her parents, she cried for Alex and Eliza. She cried for her failed attempt and she cried for all the emotions she was currently feeling but couldn't voice. She was crying because this girl, this raven haired girl with the greenest eyes Kara had ever seen, was quickly becoming a lifeline and that scared her so much. 

She didn't want anyone to care about her, everyone who cared about her ended up leaving. She didn't want anyone to care because they would try to convince her that she's strong and she has worth in the world when she knows that she _doesn't._

Some people just aren't meant to walk the earth for very long, and Kara was one of them. 

She felt a drop of water on her head so she pulled away slightly to look up at Lena and she felt even worse when she saw the tears pooling in her eyes. She tightened her grip around Lena's neck and buried her head back in her collarbone, as Lena's arms instinctively wrapped tighter around Kara's waist and she rested her face in soft blonde hair. 

They both sighed, as if it wasnt weird for the two girls so be laying on the floor of a 20 story building, holding onto each other for dear life. 

That's what Lena was doing. She was holding onto Kara as if she were going to disappear. She needed to feel her solid skin on her fingertips or she was going to breakdown completely. She technically just met the girl shes been pining over for the past few months but she already knew that Kara owned a piece of her heart and she was more then willing to give her that piece. She was going to help Kara, whatever it took, she wasn't letting the blonde give up. 

Kara held onto her lifeline as if it were the last thing she would ever do. She couldn't believe she had almost left the earth without experience a proper hug from Lena. This.. this was what she needed. The brunette radiated warmth and love with every breath she took. She was scared to her wits for how much she already cared for the girl holding her. She was terrified that someone knew, to a certain extent, what she was going through. She had never told anyone that she wanted to die, not properly. 

_Telling Alex that I don't want to live during a fight does not count._

So she felt terrified but also.. free. She didn't have to go through this alone anymore. She knew it wouldn't be easy to open up to Lena about everything but for the first time in her life, she was willing to try. She wasn't sure if it was the safety that was brought when she was around, or if it was because she was so sleepy that she would have agreed to anything right now. 

But she was willing. For Lena. For the girl she officially met three hours ago.

And for the first time in months, Kara fell asleep with a small smile on her face, and strong arms wrapped around her.

And she slept without nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually quite proud of the scene where Kara almost falls. I think I captured the right emotion that I was going for with the language used :)  
> I hope I didnt scare you guys too much ;)  
> This chapter this literally describing about an hours worth of irl time but I needed to get the write imagery for the feel of the situation so I hope you guys dont mind a whole chapter dedicated to this. I promise the story will pick up properly soon! But I have to admit, pretty much all of it will be depressing, with a few funny moments from Supercorp, Sanvers and Kara+Alex.  
> Also I know this is quite a small chapter but its 11pm and I'm tired :(   
> Hope you enjoyed it


	5. Chapter 5

Lena stared out at the city, watching it come awake as the sun got higher and the moon got lower. She managed to wake the blonde long enough to get the door code and tell her which apartment she lived in so that they could get down from the roof. Lena ended up half carrying her at five in the morning, letting her lean into her shoulder as they went down the elevator to the right floor. Lena began to blush as she dug into the exhausted blondes pockets to find the key that would let them in.

To avoid disturbing the younger girls roommate, she led her to the couch and layed her down. She gently brushed some stray hairs from her face before whispering, "Goodnight Kara." She had full intentions to leave until she felt a hand grip her wrist and she turned around to full, blue eyes staring up at her pleadingly. 

"Please don't leave me."

If Lena were to tell anyone that in that moment, she didn't melt at her words, then she would be lying. That was how she ended up gazing out of the large window to the left of her, watching the sunrise at 6am with Kara's head in her lap while she softly played with her hair. 

She heard a door open deeper in the apartment and her hand froze in place and her eyes widened as she tried to think of an explanation for the person accompanying the nearing footsteps of why a strange women was sitting on the sofa stroking her roommates hair. She pinpointed the second the women noticed her presence, her fingers paused midway through rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Those same eyes were now fully awake and full of confusion before seeing the women in Lena's lap and then there was nothing present apart from concern.

"Kara?" She whispered as she tiptoed towards the sleeping girl, seeming to relax as she saw the blondes even breathing and peaceful expression. She stood straight, locking eyes with Lena and pointed a finger towards the kitchen before walking out of the room. 

Lena took this as a sign to follow so she gently replaced her lap with a cushion under Kara's head and made sure she was still asleep before padding her way to the kitchen as well. She closed the door quietly behind her before facing the women. She observed that the women had short auburn coloured hair and warm brown eyes, but right now they held nothing but venom as they bored into Lena's own.

"Right. To start off who are you and why are you in my apartment?" She demanded, pointing a finger accordingly.

Lena paused for a moment before stating her answer, straightening her back to hold her Luthor air of confidence.

"My name is Lena. As to why I'm in your apartment.." She debated telling her the truth but opted to leave that for Kara, "You'll have to ask Kara. I don't feel comfortable telling you her personal business without her permission."

This made the women quirk an eyebrow up, a small smirk playing on her lips. 

"Did you two hook up?" She questioned. 

Lena spluttered incredulously, "No- what- Why would you think that?" She asked, trying to stop her face from turning beetroot.

"Call it a guess. You give off lesbian energy." The women retorted, smirk still in place.

"I do?" She asked, shaking her head after a beat. "Wait no, don't answer that." 

The redhead frowned for a second before masking it. "So, what did my sister do?" 

It was Lena's turn to frown. "Sister? Kara said you were her roommate." 

She could see the information being processed into the women's brain, almost missing the hurt and uncertainty that flashed through her eyes. 

"Oh," She swallowed, "Well Kara's only been my sister for almost two years so..." She trailed off awkwardly.

Lena wasn't sure how to process this information so she opted for placing a reassuring hand on the womens shoulder. The contact seemed to bring her back to the present because she forced a smile onto her face as Lena looked at her with curiosity.

"Alex Danvers. Pleasure to meet you." Alex outstretched her hand. Lena hesitated for a second too long and Alex started to retract her hand which caused Lena to snap into action. 

She shoved her panic and insecurities down deep into her stomach before speaking.

"Lena Luthor." She spoke quietly, taking Alex's hand as she watched the different emotions rush through the other women's face. Her eyes were wide in realisation and Lena half expected her to whip her hand away and shun her out of the apartment. 

Alex did drop her hand but only to rake her fingers through her own hair as she began to talk.

"I heard that Lex Luthor had a little sister but no one has seen or heard about her since before he was arrested," She crossed her arms, "How old were you when he went away?" 

"I had just turned ten years old." She answered, quirking an eyebrow at Alex's forwardness. She mirrored the redheads stance.

Lex's antics no longer affected her, all she felt now was shame for her last name. She no longer missed him. At least that's what she led herself to believe. 

"Me too. So you're twenty now?"

Lena nodded. 

"I saw a picture of you when I was about fifteen. I think you must have been about eight, it was a Luthor family photo in one of the old papers that my dad used to collect. I never expected you too look so..." She looked Lena up and down, smirking, "Woah." 

Lena's eyes widened in shock, arms falling to her sides.

"Alex, stop teasing her." A voice piped up, causing both women to whip around to the doorway where an awakening blonde stood rubbing her eyes. 

Alex managed to squeak out a small "Kara!" as she took a couple steps back from the brunette.

"How long have you been standing there?" She asked the blonde. 

She thought for a moment. "Only since you started flirting with her." She teased although Lena thought she saw a flash of something in her eyes. 

"Haha well.. Sorry I tried to steal your girl," She had the courtesy to look sheepish. Suddenly her eyes shone with an idea, "Don't you agree with me though, Kara?" 

Kara stared dumbly at her sister, then rolled her eyes and moving to stand next to Lena. 

"You didn't have to stay." Kara whispered to the brunette who smiled softly.

"Yes I did." She replied, ducking her head to make eye contact with those bright blue orbs.

Alex made pretend gagging noises that made them both look in her direction just in time to see the sparkle in her eye as she disappeared from the kitchen. 

They stood next to each other awkwardly. Kara began to play with the hem of her shirt as she felt Lena's eyes bore into the side of her head. 

"Kara. We need to talk about what happened." She murmured, brushing her fingers against Kara's arm. 

Kara swallowed. "I know. Just- later. Please?" 

Lena smiled warmly. "Okay." 

* * *

Lena had to go to work but only after sternly making Kara promise that she would keep her word and come see Lena during her break. They had switched phone numbers so Lena could contact Kara easily when she should come to the shop.

That left Kara and Alex alone in their apartment. Which meant all hell was going to break loose. Kara knew that her sister was waiting till they were alone to being up her disappearance but that didn't make the waiting game anymore fun.

They had been watching a show on netflix for about fifteen minutes when she heard Alex sigh and knew what was coming.

"Kara. We need to talk." She turned towards the blonde.

Kara kept her eyes steadily on screen as she hummed. The lack of response made Alex sigh again.

"Look at me. Please." 

She slowly shifted her eyesight over to the older girl, resting her sight on her forehead. She would break under direct eye contact. Once Alex seemed it good enough, she continued.

"I know it's hard. We all have a fight or flight instinct when we feel that we are going to get hurt or be in difficult situations. I know you feel like running away when things get hard but you also need to know that I'm here for you. I'm here for you, no matter what, because I'm your sister, Kara." Alex's eyes glassed over.

"No matter what you tell other people, I'm your sister." 

Kara briefly remembered telling Lena that Alex was just her roommate and she felt her heart break. 

"Alex i-" But she cut Kara off.

"I know. You're putting walls up, so that you don't get hurt. So you don't get let down. But you don't have to do that with me. Please let me in. It's been two years, Kara." She could hear the pleading tone in her voice, see the desperation swirling through her eyes as tears dripped down her cheeks. 

"Alex." Her voice cracked on the second syllable as she held back tears.

"Kara. All I need if for you to tell me where you were yesterday." 

So Kara told her. She cried, which meant Alex scored forward and placed her arms around her, tightening her grip. Kara told her about passing our in the woods, about the man, about Lena and Cooper. She didn't know she was going to tell her until she heard her mouth telling her sister about her suicide attempt. 

Hearing the words "Lena caught me" made everything so _real._ She had to relive everything and it hurt so much. She remembered thinking to herself that she was going to live for Lena but know, in her awake state of mind, she knew that it wasn't that easy.

Having Alex's arms around her, tightening and shaking slightly when she spoke the word 'suicide' made her want to die all over again. She went quiet and just let her sister hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. 

She didn't believe her but maybe it made Alex feel a bit better. 

She regretted saying anything as soon as the words had started tumbling out of her mouth but now she couldn't take them back. Talking about your feelings was suppose to be freeing and liberating.

It just made Kara feel like she was weighing everyone down with her. If she had never been adopted into the Danvers then Alex wouldn't have to deal with her right now. If Kara hadn't of ran so far and passed out then Lena wouldn't have to deal with her. 

She couldnt help but feel like everything was her fault. She was at square one again. Or had she even left the square at all? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a Kara centric fic but I wanted to throw in some Alex&Lena cos they're both nerds. They would be the best of friends and you can't convince me otherwise.  
> Also I was gonna give Kara some internalised homophobia from her upbringing in the foster home but I accidentally made them soft so idk tell me if you want me to change it so she feels like being gay is wrong for a bit until Lena&Alex help change that or if I should leave them as soft babies
> 
> Also excuse this chapter for being small and but it's nearly 4am and I wanted to chuck it out before overthink myself into changing the whole thing


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently got onto my old wattpad account and read a book I start writing when I was like 14 and honestly, its given me an existential crisis.  
> It was only 2 years ago so I feel like my writing style hasn't improved at all :/

They had been fine together for about a couple weeks. Kara met Lena on her breaks, she completed her coursework while Lena talked to her and she often came back to the apartment to spend time with her and Alex. 

It was fine. Until Lena decided that she wanted to learn more about Kara. More specifically, what Kara wasn't telling her. All she knew about the girl was her first name. She wanted- No she _needed_ to know more about the mysterious women. 

She didn't want to pry and ask questions but she had an idea as to how to make Kara open up to her. 

* * *

Lena was working the till, about to go on break when the blonde appeared in front of her. She was smiling slightly at the brunette who was frozen in shock.

Kara's hair was plaited at either side and they were brought round to the back of her head to make a crown, the rest of her hair loosely flowing on her shoulders. In conclusion, Lena was smitten.

The women coughed slightly when Lena didn't say anything and this caused her to smile sheepishly.

"Sorry, I've been zoning out a lot today," she lied. "I'll be right back."

Kara nodded and went to sit down at a nearby table. Lena disappeared after one more quick glance, looking for Maggie.

"Maggie?" She called in the back room when she was met with only ingredients. 

She heard a crash. "Here!" A muffled voice rung through. Lena paced to the back and found Maggie under an avalanche of cups. She looked at the small women with curiosity and was met with Maggie shaking her head.

"Okay, I won't ask. Kara's here so I'm gonna go on break, can you watch the counter?" She asked as she bent down to pick up some cups.

Maggie had joined her but had a grin on her face.

"Can I meet her? Properly?" She countered.

Lena debated the situation in her head. _What_ coul _d go wrong? Well.. Maggie could be a dick and embarrass me. Actually she definitely will._

"Sure." She agreed much to Maggie's delight as she pumped her fist in the air. "Just don't tell her anything about me being a Luthor." 

This made Maggie stop in her tracks and stand straight.

"You've not told her? Why not?"

"I just.. I want someone else to see me for me and not for my last name. I'm just a women trying to make a name for herself outside of her family. You understand that, right?" She titled her head down.

"Of course I do, you dope. I'm your best friend." She smirked. "I'm your only friend for that matter." 

Lena feigned outrage and gave her a glare.

"You have the Luthor glare though, how this girl hasn't figured it out already, I will never know." 

She resumed picking up the cups at a faster pace when she caught sight of Lena's unimpressed expression.

"I'm going to go and bring her in here." She stated, then pointing a finger at Maggie and then the _still_ remaining cups. 

Maggie saluted before breaking out in a grin as Lena rolled her eyes and walked away.

 _We always run out of cups until I knock into something. Then it's like they multiply._ She thought to herself as she put the last cup on the shelf. 

She was still grumbling to herself when she heard footsteps and turned around to see the blonde staring at her with a smile on her face. Her gay levels were out of control, this girl was perfect. 

_I wonder if she has a sister.._

Her mouth gaped open until Lena cleared her throat. 

"Kara, this is Maggie. My star employee and best friend." Lena introduced, enticing a reaction from the smaller women. 

"Maggie Sawyer." She nodded at the blonde, loving how awkward this was for both the women. It's always a feat when the women you like meets your best friend. Lena has never admitted that she actually had a _crush_ on the younger women but she didn't have too. Maggie detects. 

Lena was giving Maggie a look that read _'Behave'._

"Kara Zor-el."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Zor-el?" 

"Its Spanish. I was born in Spain and lived there until I was five." She faltered. "I was only taught English but I vowed to always keep my last name to honour my parents." 

Everything was clicking into place in Lena's head. Alex saying that Kara had only been her sister for two years, Kara wanting to honour her parents, her mentality to life. It made her want to learn everything about her. 

She gazed at her in awe and she was sure that Maggie noticed if the mischievous look in her eye was anything to go by. 

Maggie cleared her throat. "I should probably go to the counter, who knows what people are doing out there." She winked at Kara before leaving. 

The blonde stared after the promiscuous women and then looked at Lena.

"So Alex was flirting with you and now your best friend is flirting with me?" She shook her head, chuckling. 

Before Lena knew what she was doing, she had the sugar tub open and was flicking a small amount at Kara's head. She widened her eyes at Kara's shocked expression and remembered _this isn't Maggie_ and she can't go around throwing sugar at pretty girls.

_No matter how sweet she is.._

She found her hands empty the next second and noticed the mischievous smile on the other women's face. Her face contorted in confusion until she realised that Kara was tipping sugar into her hair. Reality caught up with her has she yelled obscenities in Kara's general direction, basking in how full and joyful her laugh sounded. 

They both collapsed on the floor laughing and both women couldn't deny how light they felt. They made brief eye contact and Lena could see the hesitance behind those baby blues. She wanted Kara to feel comfortable around her. 

"Do you want to play a game?" She blurted out. She mentally chastised herself at her lack of subtlety.

"What game did you have in mind?" Kara asked with a titled head. Lena couldn't help but notice how much she looked like a puppy. 

She thought for a moment. "What about truth or dare?" 

"Could we play truth or truth?" Kara asked timidly. Lena smiled at her reassuringly.

"Sure! I'll go first." She hesitated. "What's your favourite colour?" 

"Blue. What's your favourite animal?" 

"Snakes. What's yours?" 

"Cats!" Kara exclaimed."They're so cute and cuddly." 

Lena chuckled.

Kara looked at her lap as she thought of a suitable question. 

"What's your full name? You know mine now, but I don't know yours." She announced, a curious look on her face.

Lena bit her lip as she avoided Kara's gaze, her thoughts swirling around like a storm. She wanted to let Kara in but she was really enjoying being Just Lena.

Not a Luthor. Just Lena. 

"My full name is Lena.. Keiran." _My middle name counts right?_

Kara smiled sweetly. "I like it. It's cute." 

"Okay, well that makes one of us." Lena had a thought. "Kara, why didn't you tell me that Alex is your sister?" 

Lena regretted the question as soon as the words left her lips when she saw Kara's whole mood change. She watched as the blondes throat bobbed when she swallowed, her lips moving into a straight line.

"I um- _Lena,_ you have to know that I didn't mean to lie, I promise. I just-" A sob cut her throat off as she stuttered. 

She let the distraught girl compose herself before she spoke. 

"Alex told me that you've only been sisters for two years?" Lena prompted gently. Kara nodded in confirmation.

"I was adopted when I was sixteen." 

Lena's eyes widened. "That's late. Were you in foster care?" 

Another sob escaped from Kara and Lena noticed that her usually bright blue eyes had glassed over to a dull grey colour. She moved slightly closer and reached her hand out towards the blonde. When the younger women didn't move away, she grasped her fingers gently in her own, providing subtle comfort. 

Kara breathed out a deep breathe as she gathered herself, curling her fingers around Lena's.

"I was in a care home. It wasn't a foster home because there were no parental figures. There was just a couple of workers and a load of us kids. I remember the youngest being about six and then the oldest was seventeen at the time." She smiled sadly and pulled her arm around her stomach. 

"How old are you now?" 

"I'll be eighteen next week." 

_This girl really is young._

"That's a lot to go through at your age." Lena sympathised, squeezing her hand.

Kara looked down at their joined fingers. "You don't know the half of it." She froze for a second as if she was realising what she just admitted. 

Lena watched carefully as the young girls eyes widened and a flash of fear appeared. 

"So, what's your favourite food?" She asked in an attempt to change the subject. 

Kara blinked at her before answering. "I- er- potstickers." She stammered, a smile brightening her face. 

"What are pot stickers?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear people! I wasn't planning on posting today but my chrome likes to mess with me and delete my chapter drafts if I close it down so I thought it would be better to throw it out now then risk losing it all.
> 
> Also I've been sticking to kind of 1,500-2,000 word long chapters but they seem kind of small to me? Let me know if you guys think they should be bigger :)
> 
> Also I'm aware that truth or dare maybe wasn't the best way for Lena to get to know Kara but personally I've learnt a lot about people using that game and I wanted to create a fun kind of environment where Kara felt safe enough to answer truthfully.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was joking when I said I might be hiatus for a week at a time but I've literally been gone for more than a week and I'm so sorry!  
> I've been having a hard time lately with all that's happening.  
> I've been having to stay off social media to avoid being involved with everything. i know that's probably not the best idea because of whats happening but i just don't have the mental capacity to deal with this. I've been trying to recluse myself, i don't deal well with change so I've been trying my hardest to act like everything is normal for me, just so i can function.  
> i hope you guys understand :)

Kara walked through the city in a haze. Her earphones were not doing a very good job at drowning out the people around her, she could still hear the low rumble of the oncoming cars and the chatter of the activity around her. Her heart was beating wildly, eyes darting everywhere as she picked up her pace through the busy streets. She wished she could fly, there were no people or loud noises way up in the skies. She rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans in an attempt to calm herself. Everywhere she looked, there were more people and she wanted to get away. 

_I don't want pancakes anymore. I'll just go home and tell Alex that the store didn't have the ingredients. Yeah, that's what I'll do._

She turned suddenly as she made to run home, and collided straight into a small figure. It was a wonder how she didn't knock them both onto the hard concrete. Eyes pointed at the floor, she mumbled an apology and started to walk around the person she hit when a hand grabbed her forearm.

Blue eyes met brown, watching as those eyes sparked slightly in recognition. She could feel that her own eyes were unfocused, everything blurry as she tried to retreat into herself. The person hung on tightly when she tried to pull her arm away. 

"Kara?" A female voice rang out to her through her music.

_Focus._

She tried to tune into her song as she felt her heart speed up, felt panic coursing through her veins. 

**_I have died everyday, waiting for you -_ **

"Kara, are you okay?" The voice spoke again as Kara realised she hadn't moved from her spot despite her vision getting darker and her chest heaving. 

The women must have realised that Kara was indeed _not_ okay because she felt an arm wrap around her shoulders, steering her to a nearby alley. Her heart sped up again against her will as this stranger pushed her against the brick wall slightly, leaning next to her. She could feel those eyes on her but she couldn't bring her eyes up, she was so focused on her ragged breathing and the sweat on her palms. 

"Kara, breathe," The women slowly went to touch her hand, recoiling slightly when Kara flinched. She ducked her head into Kara's peripheral vision, causing her eyes to dart back to those brown ones, full of concern, pleading with her to let her help. 

She reached again for Kara's hand, held it lightly when Kara didn't move away and brought it up to her own chest. Panicked eyes widened.

"Feel my breathing," She explained, "Match it. You can do it, Kara. You're okay. I won't hurt you."

Kara saw sincerity in those eyes which is why she closed hers, focusing her attention on the rise and fall of her hand on the woman's chest.

After a few minutes, her breathing was almost back to normal, fear still flowing through her body but she could breathe again. She huffed out a breath, pushing her damp, sweat-ridden hair out of her face as she opened her eyes once again to see who this stranger was. 

She looked up to meet the kind eyes and felt her own widen in embarrassment when she saw the owner. 

"Maggie!" She squeaked as she scrambled away from the small women. Her eyes were still full of concern and Kara could feel the guilt creeping in her stomach. 

_Why does she care? She barely knows me._

"Hey Kara," She spoke quietly, a sad smile showing. 

Kara was fumbling with the bottom of her jumper as she cursed herself for managing to be so dramatic in public. She lifted her head to meet Maggie's gaze and smiled to show that she was _okay._

"Hey Maggie. Thank you for helping." She croaked, swallowing thickly as she adjusted her satchel strap. 

_You don't have to worry about me._

"Are you okay?" She asked, stepping forward.

_i'm fine._

"I'm fine," She stepped backwards. "I promise."

Maggie didn't look convinced even when Kara sent her a reassuring smile. 

"Where were you headed?"

Panic spiked again as she tried to remember. 

"I was suppose to be going to the store. So my sister could make pancakes."

Maggie nodded. "Want some company? I need a few things as well, we could go together?"

Kara knew this was a ploy for the smaller woman to keep an eye on her for a little while longer. She contemplated saying no but she _really_ didn't want to go back to the apartment empty handed. Maybe having someone to shop with wouldn't be so bad. 

"Sure."

Maggie nodded once again and moved to walk away, prompting Kara to follow behind, her hands never moving from where they were gripping her bag strap tightly. 

* * *

"They were definitely endgame. They were made for each other!" Maggie exclaimed. 

Kara pondered her options of response as they trekked up the stairs to her apartment. The elevator was broken _again._

"They are adorable together, but I always kind of liked Brittany with Artie." She mused. Maggie did a double take, mouth open in astonishment. 

"What?! Brittany and Santana are soulmates! They belong only to each other," She argued as Kara stifled a laugh, "I have to admit, i always had a crush on Santana. A sassy, bossy women who owns the room she's in and doesn't take shit? Yes please." 

Kara smirked. "You'll _love_ my sister then," She paused as uncertainty crept in, "Unless you don't want to meet her. You probably have somewhere to be, I'm sorry-"

"Kara, breathe." Maggie smiled.

"I'd love to meet your sister."

**Maggie left out the part about wondering if the attractive blonde had a sister. Maybe another time.**

Kara nodded with more determination than before while rummaging for her key and opening the door to her apartment. She saw Alex's boots by the shoe rack so she knew she was home

_Honestly, why have a shoe rack if she's not going to use it?_

"Al? I have someone for you to meet." She called through, hearing a thump and footsteps, prompting Maggie to giggle slightly.

A groggy and half asleep looking Alex walked out into the living room, rubbing her eyes and raking fingers through her unruly short hair.

"Uh- Kara, I sent you out for groceries, not _people."_ She groaned exasperated. 

Kara flashed a sheepish smile. "Sorry. You'll like her I promise." 

Alex just groaned but held her hand out to the visitor. 

"Alex Danvers." She spoke confidently.

Kara pinpointed the exact moment that her sister opened her eyes properly. She smirked as she saw her sister look Maggie up and down and then smile. 

Maggie noticed this if the glint in her eye was anything to go by. "Maggie Sawyer." 

"So, Kara, did you fall upon a store that sells people, Or did she come free with the products? What type of shop did you go to?" Alex asked with a hint of amusement.

Maggie coughed, as she gaged the blondes perplexed expression.

"What do you mean? I went to the usual- oh." Kara's expression switched from confused to shocked when realisation dawned on her. 

"Alex that's gross." 

Alex and Maggie both burst out laughing at Kara's blunt response, earning themselves an unimpressed sigh. Kara crossed her arms, tapping her foot as she waited for the two older women to calm down.

"So who's your favourite glee character?" Maggie asked Alex, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Santanna definitely."

"You and me are going to get along just fine." Maggie stated, eyes twinkling.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, as if sizing each other up. Kara watched as her sisters eyes moved form Maggie's combat boots, to her tight jeans and then finally to her leather jacket. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Maggie's eyes stalk up and down her sisters outfit ina similar fashion. She began to shift uncomfortably.

"Mine's Marley!" Kara blurted.

They both looked at her for a second before Alex sighed.

"You only like her because she looks like you." She pointed out.

"I do not! I like her because she's an interesting character and she is immensely talented and she's an underrated character!" She argued. "And she does not look like me in the slightest."

"I have to say, I agree with Alex." Kara snapped her gaze to Maggie. "She's a brunette version of you, Kara."

"Traitor." 

"I never said I was on your side."

* * *

Kara went to her room shortly after Maggie left. She had joined her and Alex for pancakes when it became increasingly obvious that there was _something_ happening between the two older girls. 

It's a wonder how Kara even managed to stomach a single pancake with her sister practically eye fucking the woman across from her. It was disgusting, to say the least but she didn't voice that. 

Maggie seems nice, and Alex deserves someone who will treat her right. Even if Kara's sanity and innocence has to suffer. 

Kara stood aimlessly in the middle of her room. She didn't know if she wanted to collapse on her bed or read a book or play a game on her phone. The possibilities were limitless and yet Kara couldn't think of a single thing she actually wanted to do. 

She sat down carefully on her desk chair and stared at the wall, choosing to get lost in her thoughts. She just stared and thought to herself about everything that's been happening recently.

She had gotten closer with Lena, she still felt like she didn't deserve to be here, she couldn't be in crowds without feeling like her chest was exploding and she still didn't sleep because of her nightmares. She blew out a deep breath of air and dropped her head into the desk with a loud thud. 

Everything seemed fine to anyone who may be looking at her but she knew she wasn't fine. She knew she was faking, but how much of it was faking? She wasn't able to tell if she was genuinely happy so maybe she was happy. Maybe her not wanting to be alive was just a manifestation of her attention seeking. Her mother used to say she sought out attention from people. 

She felt a small pain in her chest, a pain she always feels when she thinks of her mother. Her old therapist told her that it's her heart breaking because of the grief. That therapist can go to hell. 

Kara jerked her head up, sick of wallowing in self pity, and grabbed a pencil and her old notebook and began drawing. 

She flushed every emotion she was feeling at the moment through her fingers and into the lead, transferring it into the swishing of the pencil on the smooth paper. She stuck her tongue out slightly in concentration as she worked to get the sharp lines and the soft scribbles perfect. 

Sometime later, she squinted her eyes and realised that it had gotten dark without her knowledge. The clock informed her that it was 10:58pm. She turned her desk lamp on, took her glasses off so she could focus better and kept on drawing. She was determined to finish this drawing and it had to be just right. 

Kara wasn't entirely sure why she felt the sudden urge to draw, she hadn't drawn since... Well since before her parents died. Their motivations and encouragement for her creativity are what made it shine through like a beacon. Since then, she's never drawn anything, the Danvers didn't even know she possessed the skill because she stayed away from creative subjects. They made her feel mournful, like her muse has been taken from her.

Maybe she's found a new muse.

A long while later, she leaned back in her chair and observed the paper, adding details and smoothing out the shards if lead scattered from her increasing pressure on the point. She seemed the drawing perfect as she looked at the clock once again.

12:35am

She shifted her gaze back to the pencil drawing of her new favourite view. Everything about her was amazing. Her kind, gentle eyes to her smooth, pale skin to her dark, wavy hair.

She was gorgeous. Kara made sure to define every excruciating detail. Made sure to get the _perfect_ shine in her eyes, the specific angle in which her sharp jaw pointed in and the way her hair falls upon her shoulders. She smiled softly as she leant her chin on her hand as she gazed lovingly at her creation. 

She drew it from memory but it was perfect, it looked exactly like her. It was like she was there, in the room, modelling for her. Kara half wished she was there to see the drawing, so she could see it she liked it or not. 

She thought about how she would thank her. Images of her slowly putting her hand on her neck, grasping at the bottom of her wispy, dark hair. Raking her fingers through to hear the soft groan coming from parted lips. She imagined those lips being pulled towards her own and feeling them graze each other as they both gasped.

Suddenly Kara's eyes widened. 

_Holy shit. I'm falling for Lena._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this chapter is over 2000 words long, think of it as an apology for taking so long to update :)
> 
> Please comment! I honestly love reading your comments. I read every single comment I get, even if I don't reply!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a new laptop and its covered in Katie McGrath and SuperCorp stickers so its officially branded as SuperCorp.  
> TWTWTWTW  
> This chapter is going to be dealing with self harm, so if you feel that it will effect you then please skip, or be careful while reading.  
> Stay safe my darlings.

Kara begun to notice small things. Such as the way her heart would pick up speed when Lena touched her arm. She never touched her if she wasn't in the right head space, she was considerate of Kara's emotions and boundaries. It was one of the things Kara loved about her.

_What? Love? No, its not love. its just one friend being respectful for her damage friend._

_Plus Lena is three years older than me... I don't think its even legal for her to date me. I'll be technically legal in a few days but still.._

As much as Kara tried to deny it, she was falling. Falling hard. Which meant something had to be done. She couldn't let herself be broken even more. 

* * *

She got up from her small desk and started pacing the length of her room, rubbing her hands together to try to decompress the tight feeling forming in her chest. It was nearly 2am, Kara didn't dare sleep for fear that her nightmares would return. She had lost count of how long she had been awake, all she knew was that she had gotten maybe six hours of sleep in the last three days.

It was obvious that she wasn't doing well, if the dark patches underneath her eyes were any give. She hid her dwindling body with thick jumpers and made sure to act bouncy and excitable around Alex and Lena. 

Alex had come home a couple nights before positively _glowing_ after her first date with Maggie. 

All Kara could think of as her sister was rambling about how Maggie had pulled her chair out for her, was that lesbians work **_fast_**.

Well, she also thought about how much she wanted what Alex now had. Someone to love her unconditionally, someone to help her through when she's feeling bad. Of course she knows that she ultimately needs to get better again for herself. It just wouldn't hurt it someone were to be there for her. She loved Alex so much. She just needed more. 

She needed to feel something, just to prove that she was still alive. Her head was swimming as she gently sat down on the edge of her bed, hands clasped together tightly. Her nails started forming half moon indents in her palm but it still wasn't enough. She couldn't feel anything. 

Eyes blurred, she stood up and stumbled her way to the bathroom, making sure to stay quiet as to not wake Alex up. She pressed the door shut and lurched for the cabinet where she knew they kept the shaving razors. Alex preferred the plastic ones that you can throw away after a couple uses, luckily for Kara. 

Her eyes had a thick coat of tears covering her sight, so she just launched the plastic object at the floor, hearing it shatter. The memory of throwing her glasses at the floor on the roof flickered through her hazy state for half a second. Alex had found her spare pair when she told her what happened, causing tears to drip further down her cheeks as she thought about how her sister hadn't gotten mad. She hardly ever got mad at Kara, something the girl was never able to understand. 

Bending down to pick up the pieces, she slipped the now free razor onto the palm of her hand, staring at it. She was numb. She wasn't even registering her actions as she pulled up her sleeve and slide the metal across her arm.

All she could do was stare. Stare as the blood dripped down onto the cold tiles, making more lines before her brain could even keep up with. Her brain screamed at her to stop, to focus, to do anything but mutilate herself anymore. It was as if she wasn't in control of her body, she was looking down at herself doing this, not being able to do anything to stop it from happening. 

Once there was more marred skin then smooth, her brain seemed to kick into overdrive and her eyes cleared.

Gasping, she dropped the blood covered razor onto the floor with a clatter. A sob escaped her lips as she looked down at her limb, not being able to see anything apart from red. Hands scrambled for paper towels, toilet roll, anything to stop the liquid from leaking from her arm anymore then it already had. 

She pressed the paper against her arm as she cried, tears were now pouring down her cheeks, sobs racking through her whole body as she thought about how she messed up. She hadn't done this for weeks. She felt more secure recently.

Everything was just becoming so much. She felt numb all the time and she just needed to feel something. Even if it was pain, its better then being emotionless and unable to express anything. 

_I'm sorry. i didn't mean too._

Once the bleeding stopped, she wet another towel and pressed that against the, now dried, blood. Wincing, the tears fell silently now as she finished cleaning her arm, then she shoved her sleeve back down and curled up in a ball on the floor.

_i'm so pathetic. How could i ever think anyone will love me?_

* * *

A small smile graced her features as she watched Lena interact with customers. She was as much of an introvert as Kara was but she held a certain air around her that made her charming and approachable. 

Kara was sat in the window of the cafe, waiting for her friend to go on her break so they could go for lunch. The blonde was typing on her laptop, glasses on the edge of her nose and a pencil was being clutched between her lips as she focused on the screen. 

A boy noticed her sitting alone and smirked in her direction. The women's eyes flickered up towards him as he started to walk towards her, looking much like a shark stalking his prey.

"Hey." His voice leaked unearned confidence, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing here alone?" 

Kara felt a flash of panic fly through her brain as she tried to think of how to respond. 

"I'm- uh- waiting for someone." She stammered, pushing her glasses up. 

"Your boyfriend?" He asked, smirk falling slightly.

"I- no I don't have a boyfriend." She replied, shifting her eyes back to her screen to signal she wasn't interested. 

His eyes shone. "My names Mike. Mike Matthews."

He held his hand out for her to take, which she had to admit was endearing.

"Kara Zor-El." She clasped his hand lightly, immediately dropping it. 

"Zor-El? That's an interesting name. Could I interest you in getting dinner with me sometime? I would love to get to know you better." He suggested, eyes raised as if challenging her.

The women dithered her options. Mike wasn't _unattractive_ and she needed to get over her ridiculous crush on Lena. Lena was straight and she couldn't change that fact. Her face set in determination at what she was about to say.

She forced a smile. "I'd love too." 

"Awesome! Could I get your number?"

Kara reluctantly put her number into the mans phone and waved as he walked away. Her shoulders were tense and she felt a headache creeping up, all she wanted to so was go home and sleep.

A swish of brown hair caught her attention and made the pain cease a small amount.

"Kara!" Lena's sweet voice rung sound her head. "Ready to go for lunch? I know this great Chinese place around the corner." An elegant eyebrow raised and her lips were set into a smile.

"Sounds amazing!" Kara spoke as she started packing up her laptop into her bag. The blonde seemed to be moving in uneven, jerky movements which Lena picked up on as her forehead crinkled in concern.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly, placing a hand on Kara's forearm.

She jumped as Lena's fingers pressed on the angry marks on her skin underneath her cardigan. Lena noticed this as her face clouded in worry. Kara straightened her lips and rushed to reassure her.

"I'm fine." She spoke in mock excitement. "I'm starved, let's go!" 

She caught a glimpse at Lena's expression as she walked towards the door, telling her that she didn't believe a word. She felt Lena's piercing green eyes on the back of her head and refused to turn around as she heard the women follow her out of the coffee shop. 

Mike texted her while she was out with Lena, her brows furrowed together at the X's that the man had used. She wasn't really sure what she was doing, all she knew was that he was a distraction from her growing feelings for Lena and that was good. 

She texted him back with a plan to have dinner the following night. She tried so hard to feel excited but all she felt was lost and confused. The green eyes that were trained on her as she arranged this were not helping in the slightest either. 

Lunch with Lena was over entirely all too quick, they departed with a quick hug with Kara promising to organise some sort of game night so they can all get together. She had ignored the look of concern in Lena's eyes, she always seemed to know when something was bothering the blonde. it was endearing as it was annoying that she was unsuccessful at hiding her emotions. She walked to her apartment with her hands shoves deep in her jacket pockets, hood over her head to avoid being noticed too much as her thoughts about her date flew through her head at a hundred miles a minute. 

As soon as she entered through the door, she made a beeline for her room where she flopped unceremoniously on the bed, huffing out a breathe. 

* * *

Kara checked out her outfit in her mirror. 

_I look like a prostitute._

She pulled on an old cardigan she happened to have lying around. 

_Well now i look like a librarian._

_I'm hopeless at fashion!_

"Alex?" She called. "How do i look in this?"

She walked out to where her sister was sitting on the couch, gesturing to her outfit. She was wearing a black dress with a belt around her waist, pulling in the dress at the top but remaining flowy around the skirt. She had made sure to pair the dress with a long-sleeved black cardigan. Alex glanced at her before doing a double take, widening her eyes. 

"You look amazing, Kar." She shook her head at Kara's doubtful expression. "What are you dressed up for anyways? All you wear nowadays is jumpers and either jeans or leggings." 

"Well i- uh-," She stuttered as she tried to think of an excuse, but Alex was looking at her with a raised eyebrow as if knowing she was about to lie.

Kara sighed. "I have a date." 

Her sister jumped to her feet straight away and pulled the blonde in her arms, hugging her tight. Kara stood tensely before the shock overcame her and she relaxed, hugging her back. Alex pulled away with a sheepish smile on her face.

"Sorry its just," She paused. "You've shown no interest in actually getting out and meeting people before. i just want you to be happy." The sincerity shone through her voice a she gazed at her little sister. 

"Well i'm still not _thrilled_ but this guy seems nice. I've only met him once and all i know is his name." Kara shrugged.

Alex moved her lips into a straight line. "Be safe, okay? If he tries anything then call me. i'll make sure no one ever finds the body." She bumped her shoulder into Kara's, loving the bark of laughter that came from the blondes mouth.

"I can't tell if you're kidding or not."

"Me neither." Alex had a smile on her face that could be a rivel to the Cheshire cat's, prompting Kara to shake her head fondly. 

Mike was nice. He had a boyish charm around him that meant most teenage girls would flock towards him. Frankly, Kara found him a bit obnoxious, but decided to give him some time to earn points back. He had pulled her chair out for her when they sat down, which she graciously thanked him for. She had frowned when he handed the waiter his ID when he ordered wine for the table. 

"Uh, how old are you?" She asked awkwardly.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm nineteen." He smiled, "But fake ID's are a godsend."

She felt a bit uncomfortable about this so she declined his offer of any alcohol. She had no desire to drink, especially since she was underage. He knew she was only seventeen, but he said she was very mature for her age. She felt a bit proud of that, although she had been through lot of stuff which forced her to mature quicker. 

"Tell me a bit about yourself." She prompted, resting her chin on her hand.

He started telling her a story of something that had happened during his high school years but, in all honesty, Kara wasn't listening. She was watching his face, trying to see the appeal. He had nice hair, kind eyes and a cute nose. That was all she could come up with. She should feel _something._

"... and everyone said it was the highlight of the year," He laughed loudly. Kara laughed as well, so he wouldn't know she had zoned out. 

"What about you, Kara?" He looked at her with genuine interest.

She smiled awkwardly as she debated on what to say. She concluded that she would be honest, then he could decide whether he still wanted to be with her or if she was too much. 

"Well, I was born in Spain and then moved to the states with my parents when i was five years old. I was put into foster care when i was twelve and then i was adopted by the Danvers family when i was sixteen. And now you're caught up, i guess." She dared to look up to see his eyes shining on her with such a large amount of awe in them that the air caught in her throat. 

"Whoa. That's heavy. You're so strong to have gone through that." He reached out and placed his rough hand over her delicate one, an action she found she didn't hate. She felt her heart swell at the words, blinking back tears. 

"Thank you." She gave him a small, but genuine smile. 

Mike switched the topic to something less heavy for the rest of the evening, moving his hand from Kara's. She was shocked to find that she missed the subtle contact. Soon, he was walking her home and they were at the bottom of her building. He started to lean down, waiting so that Kara could move if she wanted too. She didn't move and instead she leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips against his. She didn't feel fireworks, she ahd always figured that that was an oversell in the media. If she was to be honest, the feeling of his lips against hers wasn't very appealing but she stayed all the same. 

When she pulled away, the man had a smile on his face and, a flicker of something she couldn't quite place her finger on, in his eye. 

"That was amazing." He whispered, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

She ducked her head in an embarrassed fashion, stroked her hand across his arm and turned around to go into her building. She looked over at her shoulder to face him again as she whispered. 

"Goodbye Mike."

Then she was at the bottom of the stairwell, leaning against the door once again. A sense of deja vu hit her in that moment and she wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. She decide don neither and trudged up the stairs to where her sister was inevitably waiting to hear all about her date. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for the lack of Lena in this chapter. This IS a Kara centric fic so i doubt i will have anymore chapters that are from Lena's POV. Lena may not be in it properkly for a while but she definitely will not be forgotten.  
> (She's my best girl so how could i ever forget her?)
> 
> ALSO I do not ship Karamel at ALL so please don't get used to seeing Mon El/Mike being all nice guy with Kara. I have a good character arc for him, don't you worry.  
> My page is a Mon el hate zone, so don't read this if you like him.  
> Thank you :)  
> btw this chapter is over 2,600 words as an extra apology for being gone for at least a week :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to sort out some sort of schedule or something cos i keep forgetting to update for WEEKS AT A TIME. 
> 
> Anyways, here we go.

The next few weeks went by rather quickly, much to Kara's enjoyment. She grew closer to Lena which she thoroughly loved.

The most enjoyable was Kara spending her eighteenth birthday with her sister and Lena. They played her favourite board games, had several arguments during monopoly and watched Kara's favourite Disney movies. Th e blonde was outraged to learn that Lena had not see _a single Disney movie._ That was the most Kara had laughed in a long time and she cherished every second of it. 

She went on several dates with Mike as well, which were pleasant at most. He even called Kara his _girlfriend,_ and that somehow made her blush as well as feel disgusted simultaneously. 

She just couldn't figure out her feelings for the boy. When they were together, she felt on edge but she also felt understood. She tensed up every time he placed a hand on her waist, or moved his lips from hers down to her jaw. She clammed up and pushed him off of her every time while mumbling apologies, embracing the irritated gaze that rewarded her each time. 

"Are you ever going to let me get further than kissing? We've been dating for over two months, Kara." Mike exclaimed, throwing his hands up. Kara flinched at the action and looked at the floor, shame crawling into her throat.

Mike was getting sick of doing the little things that Kara enjoyed, like having movie marathons, binge watching TV shows and just being in the same room as one another, enjoying their presence without having to touch. This was one thing she missed, showing affection through non contact actions. She missed that with Lena. She missed her best friend. 

_"Mike, this is Lena. My best friend." Kara cheerfully gestured to the smiling brunette. She was holding out her hand to the boy, but he ignored it and just stared at her with a shocked look on his face._

_"Your best friend is Lena Luthor?!" He all but shouted in Kara's apartment, hands curling into fists._

_She had been excited for Lena and Mike to meet, and she begged Lena for several days, using a lot of puppy dog eyes before Lena had reluctantly agreed._

_"What? No, Lena's not..." Kara trailed off as she shifted her gaze to the other women, who was staring at her with a terrified look in her eye, bottom lip captive between her teeth. "Oh."_

_She was regretting it now._

_Her eyes drifted to the floor as everything ran through her mind at once._

_Lena Keiran Luthor._

_The name flashed itself briefly in her mind, Jeremiah's newspaper collection, one of which had a young Lena Luthor on the front. She was starting to see connections that she previously had just brushed off._

_Loud footsteps of Mike storming out of the apartment eased their way through her ears, but all she was able to do was stare at the wood tiles of the floor. A hand touched hers in silent question, Kara responded by curling her fingers around the soft hand and dragging the body into hers._

_She hugged the brunette so forcefully that she was worried that she may break with the pressure. But she didn't. In fact, Lena hugged her back with just as much force. They stood there, embracing each other for several minutes before either of them spoke._

_Kara felt the tickle on her neck before she heard the whisper._

_"So you don't hate me for lying to you?"_

_Kara barked out a wet laugh, only just realising the tears that had rolled down her cheeks._

_"I could never hate you, Lee. You aren't your family. Your brother did horrible things. Your brother. Not you. You may be a Luthor but that isn't all you are. You're Lena. And Lena is my best friend." She pulled Lena back, looking into green eyes blurry with tears._

_"You're my best friend, Lena. And nothing that your family has ever done will change that."_

_"Promise?" The smaller women asked in a broken voice. Kara wondered how many times the girl had been betrayed, left behind. Lied too._

_"I promise."_

* * *

She hadn't seen Lena for weeks since then. Mike refused to let Lena in when he was there. And he coincidentally seemed to always be around. So she decided to go and visit her friend at work.

"I don't want you seeing that Luthor girl anymore." He announced when she called from the bedroom that she was going to see Lena.

Kara's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why not?" 

"She's a Luthor, babe, she's not good for you." He called back. Kara walked out to the living room where Mike was sitting on the couch, watching TV. 

"She's more than a Luthor. She's not like them." She could feel an argument brewing but she couldn't let him say these things about Lena.

He looked up at where she was standing with her arms crossed and sighed, standing up. He moved to clasp her shoulders, trapping her.

"I just want to keep you safe." He circled his arms around her as she smiled slightly, "Plus I don't like the way she looks at you."

That made Kara pull away from his figure. "What do you mean?"

Mike quirked an eyebrow. "She looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars, Kar. I hate it. You're mine, not hers." 

Suddenly Kara felt like she was suffocating. This was too much.

"Mike, she's my friend, and I'm not going to stop seeing her. We're just friends. She's not like her family anyway."

It was like a bomb had gone off. Mike started yelling loudly, causing Kara to back away slightly with wide eyes at his sudden change in mood. 

"Kara, she's from a family of maniacs! Her brother blew up a twenty story building, which had over two thousand people in it! Her mother has been arrested for countless terror attacks as well. Who's to say that she won't crack and start killing people too?" 

He progressively got closer and closer to Kara as he shouted, so much so that she could feel his hot breathe on her face. For every step that she took back, he would take two steps forward until her back was against the wall.

She refused to flinch and instead set steely eyes on his and pursed her lips.

"You don't know her like I do. She understands me better then anyone. She shows me how she cares, I know that she cares about me. She wants the world to be a better place. She's running a small coffee shop a whole city away from her family because she doesn't what to be included with them." Kara was fuming at this point.

I've not known her for very long, nor do I know that much about her. But I know enough to be sure of anything that she would never hurt anyone. She's not that type of person. So get your head out of your ass and accept that." 

Her chest was heaving and all she could see was red as she finished her speech.

She looked up from her rage just in time to see a hand flying towards her face, feeling the impact on her cheek as she fell to the floor. It was as if time had slowed down, her fall to the floor taking twice as long as it normally should have. Pain erupted from her arm as she landed on her outstretched hand, a sharp cry bursting from her lips as she clutched her throbbing wrist. 

She was briefly aware of receding footsteps and the door banging shut. She lifted her body up, careful not to jostle her arm and sat with her back against the wall as tears ran down her face, her cheek red and painful, pulling her legs up to her chest _._

* * *

Kara was curled up in a blanket on the couch when Alex arrived home from work. She wanted to go to Lena, but a voice in her head told her it was wrong and she didn't want to get punished. Although she remembered that she already _had_ been punished. She had a throbbing wrist to show for that, which she still couldn't move without searing pain so it was currently clutched against her chest as she watched _Tangled_ play out on the screen above her. 

Alex furrowed her brow as soon as she entered the apartment, forehead crinkling in worry, knowing something was wrong. _Tangled_ was Kara's comfort movie, she only watched it when she was upset. The redhead slowly wandered around the couch and crouched next to the arm, where Kara had her head propped. Her frown deepened when she glanced at how her left hand was grasped around her right wrist. 

"Kara, honey?" She murmured attentively, watching as her glazed eyes focused on her face. 

"Hey, Al." She muttered, "Good day at work?" 

Alex knew that Kara was deflecting, but she sat next to her sister and opened her arms for her to climb into. The reaction was instantaneous as she immediately had a mop of blonde hair resting on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around her sisters small shoulders and hugged tight. She flinched when she heard a small whine from the small women.

"Kara? Are you okay?" Alex asked immediately, moving her so she could see her small face. Kara's eyes were bloodshot, as if she had been crying for hours and her face was screwed up in an expression of pain. 

"M' fine." She attempted to smooth out her forehead crinkle but her movement shifted her wrist and she let out a cry of pain as she dug her nails into her thigh to distract herself. She rested her face in a expression she thought would reassure the older women but she looked even less convinced than before. 

"Kara," She spoke quietly, the softness in her tone making Kara look up to catch warm brown eyes. "What did you do to your wrist?" 

Kara took a sharp inhale of breathe. She knew immediately where her sisters mind was going. She was the only one of the Danvers family she had told about her hurting herself. 

"Its not what you think!" She blurted and then winced at the raised eyebrow. 

"What do i think?"

"I- I don't- I fell and hit it on the edge of the counter." She ended up saying, shocking even herself at how easy it was for her to lie. 

Alex quirked an eyebrow up and set her mouth in a straight line. "Forgive me for not believing you, but can I see to make sure you aren't lying?" 

_Well i am lying but you won't be bale to tell_ She thought to herself bitterly.

Kara reluctantly let her sister hold her wrist, teeth sinking into her lip as she tried not to make any noise. Alex's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she lifted the sleeve and saw her wrist was bruised a deep purple and was swollen. Kara's eyes filled with tears as she remembered what happened.

Alex noticed, assuming she was in pain. "If the pain gets too much then squeeze my leg, okay?" Kara nodded slightly, eyes trained on where her sister was pressing slightly on her skin.

She poked and prodded as gently as she could for a few minutes, Kara making small squeaks or whimpers when she would press at a particularly pained area. Alex pressed on a certain point, Kara wasn't sure where, but she was absorbed in so much pain that she felt it throughout her whole body and she gripped Alex's thigh so hard that she yelped in surprised and dropped Kara's wrist.

Kara pulled her wrist to her chest and ducked her head, crying silent tears as the pain shook through her body. 

She felt soft hands on her head, raking through her curls in a soothing manner and a soft kiss was placed on her head.

Alex held her as Kara pushed forward until her forehead was rested on her sisters chest. She cried quietly, burying her head into the crook of Alex's neck, listening to the soft encouragements she was whispering in her ear and leaning into the hand still curling through her hair.

Alex wound her arms around her small body and held her while she cried, her injured wrist locked securely between their bodies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I really need a schedule  
> I don't know how to feel about this chapter. I like its contents, but the layout is kind of confusing to me, I'm not very good st planning so comment and tell me what you think? 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment your opinions! I really do love reading comments so please please leave comments


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual and I'm sorry! :(   
> I didn't read this back cos I'm tired. Point out any mistakes if you like
> 
> Anyways! This chapter deals with abusive behaviour and minor? Eating disorder like behaviour.
> 
> But like really minor. Its literally less then one paragraph. But be careful my darlings.

Kara huffed out a breath as she attempted to fit her sweater sleeve over her cast, which was proving to be a lost cause.

" _Alex,"_ she whined out desperately.

Alex appeared in the doorway to her room, cocking her head in question.

"Help." Was all Kara said.

Alex chuckled to herself as she helped the younger women pull her arm through the offending sleeve. 

"Why don't you just wear a shirt or something? Then you won't have to stretch your sleeves out." Alex suggested. 

Kara froze for a split second. "I- I'm cold, I need sleeves so I don't catch hypothermia." She joked, hoping that her sister hadn't noticed her hesitation.

"Hm," She gave the blonde a suspicious look before rolling her eyes and shrugging, "I have to get to work, are you gonna be okay here alone?" 

Kara could see the worry etched into the older womans face, and was quick to reassure her. 

She placed her good hand on Alex's arm. "I'll be fine, don't worry." 

She flashed her a toothy grin and hurried her towards the door.

"If you need anything then just text me." Alex chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes darted across the apartment, no doubt searching for imaginary weapons. 

"Alex, I have a cast on my wrist, I'm not an assassination target." Kara joked, making the redhead laugh quietly. She looked up into warm brown eyes laced with concern and felt her heart constrict. 

"Kara, I love you, okay? You'd tell me if something was happening to you?" Alex questioned softly. She knew that Kara never told her the full story to what had happened. She wasn't the most talkative person, she tends to keep things bottled inside until she broke.

Kara gave her a smile that she hoped was reassuring. 

"Of course I would. I'll be fine, Alex. I love you too." 

The older women seemed to be satisfied as she opened the door, shooting one more glance over her shoulder at the blonde before leaving Kara alone in the quiet apartment. 

She breathed out heavily, her body drooping as all her energy drained into the floorboards. She flopped unceremoniously onto the couch, scanning through the channels. She huffed and dropped the remote to the floor with a clatter since there was nothing decent on at ten in the morning. 

Hanging her head over the side of the couch, Kara begun pulling on strands of her hair, chuckling at the way her curls sprung back into place when she let go. 

She was interrupted from her laughing by a knock on the door. Eyeing it curiously, she pulled herself up, secretly wishing she was able to peer through the door and see who was on the other side. 

Her breathe hitched when she opened the door, locking onto the eyes of the man on the other side. 

He flashed a sheepish smile at her. "Uh- I wanted to say that I'm sorry. For the other night. I don't know what came over me, I was angry and I wasn't thinking." 

Kara stared at him with her mouth hanging in shock, her eyesight drifting to the flowers in his hand. Red roses. The clique of it all flashed briefly through her head.

"You're _sorry?"_ She asked, her voice breaking. His eyes filled with confusion and _anger._

"Well yeah. I didn't mean too and it will never happen again." He insisted. 

"Mike, you fractured my wrist." She told him in a monotone voice. 

Now it was his turn for his mouth to drop, all the rage draining from his eyes. "I- I did?" 

She waved her cast in the air, watching his eyes snap to it and widen slightly. 

"My sister had to take me to the hospital."

"Shit." He mumbled. "Did you tell them?" 

She stared at him incredulously before replying. "No. I told them that I fell and his my arm on the table." 

"Okay." He looked conflicted for a moment before he spoke. "Kara, I seriously like you. I am so sorry for hurting you. Just let me prove to you that I'm sorry. Please."

Kara's insides were twisting in guilt and remorse. She wasn't sure why but she was sure that this was her own fault.

Her brain was split into two sections. The first section was yelling at her that this wasn't good, he had hurt her and he was most likely going to do it again. 

The other section was so desperate for love that it was yelling at her for even considering giving up that love. 

She bared Mike a tight lipped smile 

"Okay." 

The smug look on his face made her stomach drop as she started regretting her decision.

* * *

Kara peered into the shopping basket nervously. Mike had made her come shopping with him, insisting that she needed decent food in the house. She had argued saying that Alex bought food but he claimed that the vegetarian food her sister bought wasn't real food.

Her eyes landed on the pile of pizzas and the packets of noodles as she started counting all of the calories in her head, swallowing over the lump in her throat. 

"I'm gonna go get some soda. Stay here, babe." Mike muttered, pressing a kiss onto her cheek before walking away, swinging the basket at his side.

The blonde was wearing a soft, pale pink hoodie and she pulled the sleeves over her hands and shoved them into the big pocket at the front as she watched the other shoppers walking past. 

Mike had told her to stay there and now she was to afraid to move. Shifting from one foot to the other, she grew more anxious as the seconds passed. She wasn't good at being alone and there was just too many people for her to not be on edge. 

"Kara?" A voice called from behind her.

Kara flinched slightly before she recognised the voice and then she spun around immediately. Her eyes widened as she took in the sweep of dark hair and smiling lips. 

"Lena!" She exclaimed as she launched herself into the brunettes arms. She felt the shorter women shake as she laughed, hugging her back tightly. 

"Kara! I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks!" Lena spoke excitedly. 

Kara stepped back slightly, rubbing her neck sheepishly.

"Uh yeah, sorry about that. I've been- I've been busy." She concluded, her eyes shifting between Lena and the direction Mike went in. 

"Don't worry, darling, it's okay." Kara felt a blush creeping up at Lena's jse if the pet name.

"Its not," Kara muttered in a detached tone. Lena gazed at her curiously before she looked her up and down for the first time.

"How is there even less of you now, Kar?" She asked, her eyes widening. Kara titled her head in confusion. 

Lena leaned forward, suddenly noticed the blondes cast. "What happened to your wrist?" 

"Oh i- I fell and hit it on the table. I fractured it." Kara explained, licking her lips nervously. She saw the peculiar way that Lena eyed her and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Uh, what did you mean by there's less of me?" She brought back the earlier topic.

"Oh right- look." Lena remembered. She gently took hold of Kara's uninjured wrist and looped her thumb and middle finger around her it, looking at her expectantly when she made them touch with no issues. 

Kara sucked in a breath. She knew she was getting skinnier, she didn't eat nearly as much as she guessed that she was suppose to. Eating more then a thousand calories a day terrified her because that was just so much, surely she didn't need that many? 

She pulled her wrist from Lena's grasp, shoving it in her pocket. Looking down, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and pushed her glasses up. 

She looked up to catch piercing green eyes watching her with concern lacing them.

"I'm fine." Kara clarified eve though it did nothing to diminish the brunettes worries. "I've just been busy and not had time to eat." 

"Well, do you want to go and get some lunch later?" Lena suggested.

Kara wanted to cry at the glint of hope in her eyes.

"I can't, I'm here with-" Kara was cut off. 

"Hey Kar, I'm back." A familiar voice rung out, making Kara stand rigid in her place. Her eyes flickered up to Lena's which were staring right back. She was sure that Lena could see the amount of hopelessness and fear she was conveying. 

"Who are you talking too, ba-" Mike stopped a few feet short of the two women, his eye shifting between the two.

"Why are you here, Luthor?" He spat, standing next to Kara defensively. 

"What? Can't a girl do a little light shopping?" She shot back, holding up her basket with various items in it.

"Yeah sure. As long as you stay away from my girlfriend." Mike growled. He placed his hand on Kara's waist, ignoring the way her muscles twitched under his touch. He squeezed her ribs, making her wince. She shrunk slightly, her height lessening at least an inch as she tried to shrink into the floor. 

Lena noticed this, her eyes had previously been boring into Mike's own but now they were trained onto Kara. Kara could see a twinge of sympathy and fear as well as something she couldn't decipher. 

She had expected Lena to be angry at her for failing to defend her, but it was as if she could see right through the blonde. As if she knew that if she attempted to stick up for herself, something bad would happen. 

Mike smirked triumphantly when the brunette failed to come up with an argument. 

"See you, Luthor." He literally spat as he began to pull away.

Kara breathed a sigh of relief when he removed his hand from her waist. She tried to convey her sorries to Lena through her eyes but she was quickly dragged away by Mike who had grabbed onto her cast ridden wrist. 

She let out a squeak of pain as he twisted her arm, making her move faster.

She shot one last lingering look at Lena over her shoulder and she swore that she saw the older womens hand in a fist, nails digging into her palm. She also caught the look of rage on her pale face as her cat-like eyes were locked onto Kara's wrist being pulled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rlly hate Mike but who's happy to see Lena back?? 
> 
> For clarification, she doesn't know that Kara is being manipulated and hurt but she definitely has suspicions. 
> 
> As usual please leave kudos and comment comment comment below! I love reading your comments!


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